1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
