I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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