she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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