Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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