you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo