South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?