Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever