So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.