So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life