went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER