Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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