I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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