I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
