Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
