help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
