Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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