you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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