Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
