JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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