Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ladies don't puke and tell
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize