Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize