Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.