i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
