i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
