The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize