Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
