We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
