Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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