I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize