to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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