Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
