I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
