I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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