oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
