Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize