Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
