just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sobbing to NWA
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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