I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
