the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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