Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They took my balls.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
