Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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