apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
