This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
