The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
