East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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