so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I smell like Dick and happiness
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
