so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
