Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
