My balls are so social today.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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