I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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