my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
