Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
