I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize