I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
