she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
