he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
