I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
