Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A+ Viking dick
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
