I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
