Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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