Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
