if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
