You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
