Please, let me fuck your mom
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
