I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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